I will wait on you

I fancy the very thought of it 
A flattering radiant smile
A modest warm giggle
A sobering jealous frown
Piercing painful tears
Oh, the seamless contradiction
Many will use this to manipulate
But yours will be out of pure love
You will always strike the balance
And though it takes a life time
I will wait on you

I marvel at the very idea
A sincere vulnerable trust
A stubborn unwavering faithfulness 
A passionate intimate closeness
A tender deliberate surrender
Oh, the wonder of two becoming one
Many will exploit this for the thrill of it
But i will back as much as i get
I will always maintain the flow
And though it costs a fortune
Please wait on me

Who you are I know not 
Where I will meet you I can only guess
But am waiting on you
Grab my coat if I pass you in the streets
I am all yours
Pardon me if I act familiar too quick
I have been trailing you along
The intuitive love song of Eden on my lips
One with me at last, bone of my bones, flesh of flesh
But till I meet you the song will remain un sang
Please wait on me, am waiting on you

Grandeur and Intensity- Childhood memories and What I make of them now

I was traveling to work after a very short break recently, a small boy entered the vehicle we were traveling in with the parents and at the sight of every one, started screaming. At first I thought the child very poorly socialized. Something however entered my mind and I decided to give it some further thought.

Nowadays I will once in a while meet very tall people, but I rarely come across huge people. I mean huge in the sort of way people were huge when I was a child. I remember lining up during primary school parade; look back to where the class eight boys and girls were and wonder whether I will ever be that big- I never became that big, my age mates too. People in the village were big, in the market, in the ways and by ways; all over were huge people, very huge! I remember even believing there were people who ate other people. Those monstrous size human beings looked capable of just about anything. And a threat by a stranger the he would ‘eat you’ was enough to send panic through every fiber of your being!

As I think of it now, I realize that’s how the little boys and girls must see me now- very huge. Any ill thought joke is likely to strike terror in their hearts. I forgive the screaming boy, and I think we adults should try and remember our childhood when we deal with little ones.

Now, this also brought a second thought into my mind- what age has done to me. I have always taken for granted how old I have become and how my days are running out. In my tender years, any body in their teens was a young woman or a young man. Any thing above that was a man or woman (I think Swahili does more justice to what I have in mind mwanaume/ manamke). If somebody passed outside our house (you know those paths in the rural areas) and I was sent to check who it was, I would report back either it is a child, a young man/woman or a mwanaume/ mwanamke. I have no shadow of doubt if a little boy was sent to spy on me now as I passed outside their house, he would report back a mwanume (Muthuri)- and you know how laden with age that term is! My female age mates might end up with more grave titles! With such serious retrospection, I accept the already  ‘grave need’ to have a number of ‘things’ fast tracked. Time waits for no man (or woman for that matter), and some things are best done at specific times!

Trees were also huge, maize used to grow to enormous sizes. I remember getting buried into maize plantation and marvel at my mothers industry and ingenuity. How could she manage to do all that work and achieve so much! We used to have enormous spaces and distances. Thank God these expansive spaces have not entirely disappeared, partly because I live in uninhabited parks and range lands.

It used to rain cats and dogs. The intensity of the rains then used to be daunting! And I used to love it. Sleep was amazing with heavy rains. The lightning and thunder (where did they go?) used to strike awe in my heart. But the rains I used to love most was around 4.30pm and 5pm. Classes were over, most of the masters had gone home and we were all stuck in private study in our class rooms. We could swap our desks without being questioned; we could share stories and all manner of gossip without the patronizing eye of the teacher on duty. There was a sense of ‘being stranded’ at school I used to love. Classes are over but you can not quite go home yet. You have your best friends around you (and the girls you secretly admired), and for a moment, time seems to have stood still with nothing quite happening except just being there! It could have been the presence of play, the absence of rules, oh, I don’t know, but such moments used to give me such enormous bliss.

I still love it when it rains, and the earthy smell that follows and as Chesterton puts it

The thrill of thunder in my hair:

Though blackening clouds be plain,

Still I am stung and startled

By the first drop of the rain:- GKC

And though the grandeur be lost in most things, I hope

When all my days are ending

And I have no song to sing,

I shall not be too old

To stare at everything;

As I stared once at a nursery door

Or a tall tree and a swing:-GKC

The grandeur of life is still very present, even in the smallest of things and people, and I hope I never lose it!

Happiness- Childhood memories and what I make of them now

When a man enjoys bacon and fried eggs, that we call natural taste. When he enjoys raw beetroots and baby marrows, that we call acquired taste

In reflecting on what happiness has meant for me over the years, it surprises me how much it has changed. Walking in the rain today is awful, playing in the rain as a young boy was bliss! Getting dirty and all muddied is an unimaginable abomination, then it was a means to unrivalled pleasure. Then I would not ‘go calmly into the night’ there was always play and adventure yet to be finished. Life was exciting when it was unpredictable and spontaneous; today it is stress if it is not well ordered and predictable. Happiness is leaving nothing to chance in a carefully steered life!

I did not grow up with TV and cartoons and music and movies. I grew up with play and open fields; climbing and jumping, cutting grass and carrying water and tilling land and bits of reading. That was fun, it really was. Indoors were mundane and unwanted. The thrill was in being out there and proving something.

I will tell you the first thing I thought when I watched channel O (somewhere in high school), it was ridiculous. That was certainly not what I had associated with fun, leave alone adults. Listening to great adventures and heroism on national geographic was what I could have considered as exciting. That is the kind of stuff I thrived on as a little boy from old magazines and newspapers. The lavishness and extravagance and vulgarity were just too arbitrary, they lacked any context.

Of course I had never heard the word “Celebrity”, I had no clue about the massive entertainment industry with singers and actors who earned billions and an equal behemoth share of airtime and coverage on print media. I also did not know much about the elite sportsmen who were the role models for every young boy and girl. To be fashionable was to know these people, where they lived and who they related to and the car they drove and the jewelry they wore. To be a little like these people was the beginning of happiness.

I had to acquiescence myself to this new concept of happiness. I soon realized that this was the natural taste, mine was an acquired one. What I had admired all this time was nibbling at raw red cabbage and lettuce while sizzling hot dogs and omelets were waiting to be munched.

Growing up and getting so much more exposure and especially working in leisure industry has really influenced what I would think to be a successful life. What I have vaguely in my head is a little mansionnette in an upscale estate with a beautiful wife and cute kids, holiday twice a year and a compact car, going to the theater and walks in the park every so often!

But as I look back, without disparaging the pop culture and the expectations it puts on us, I get this big feeling there is so much more I am missing, or may be my sense of happiness ought to be slightly different.  I get to see a lot of people who are happy, and not in the holidying and partying kind of way. They don’t necessarily have the bling or the lavishness, but they live happy cool lives. People who, where as they have not rejected the natural happiness, they have chosen the learned happiness. The money they would use in extravagant holidays, they put in supporting the less fortunate in a systematic way. The time they would spend relaxing and having fun, they prefer to invest in creating solutions to challenges they are not necessarily facing. Those who, instead of having a Friday night out, will prefer to immerse their minds in learning a new language or a new concept.

And with that in mind, I lament that probably I have received too much exposure to that which I can’t help but love; the so much drumming in my ears that fried bacon smells and tastes great. May be a little more effort should have been put to teach my palates to appreciate celery and the red cabbage. How to enjoy life in the more conservative ways; our challenge, I think, is not cutting down forests but watering the deserts.

And I fear our little children will grow with a similar inordinate exposure, or probably worse. Our role modeling will be skewed towards the glamorous professions they see on screen. The so many who will land on the “mortar and brick” professions will feel cheated or robbed off happiness. Like they have been consigned to a life of eating those yucky veges all their life!

Looking at the things I had learnt to love as a little boy, and from what I observe from families (mostly abroad) who have a lustrous history of military service, or business and entrepreneurship, there is as much to be happy and upbeat about in the less glamorous more mundane careers as in the public exciting lives of the celebrities. We can truly say like my great friend Lewis would put it “theirs is joy beyond all other, not because it is better than ours, but because all joy is beyond all other”. Just the same way the strict vegetarian will walk out of the restaurant full of praise after his salad; we walk out of our work stations with similar satisfaction.

May be some day we will rediscover the excitement of being a teacher or house wife or a farmer- living a normal happy life!

The perfect one

You walked out of my wildest fantasies

And pleasantly intruded into my world
You jumped out of my strangest dreams
And bumped right into my heart
I must have imagined you into being
I must have dreamt you into life

The perfect one
Just as I would have you be
The perfect one
Drift with me
Lets live the dream
Lets live the fantasy

You walked into my heart
And taught me the joy and terror of affection
You bumped into my mind
And showed me the light and dark side of love
You made me happy and made me sad
You calmed me and puzzled me

The perfect one
Just as I would have you be
The perfect one
Ride me away
Leave my heart wild
Leave my mind dazzled 


You hurt me and heal me
You get me mad and make sane
You make me a boy then a man
You turn, me you spin me and steady me
You love me

Why

Why

Why why why

The cry of the soul

Not so much to get an answer

But to reiterate its conviction

That there ought to be one

Else nothing should be

When a big black blob

Stains the snow white

When the big brutes

Stumbles on the small helpless

When the brutal blow of the wicked

Lands on the honest innocent

When the little ones lie desolate

Ravaged by their caretakers

The soul cries why?

Perhaps the black blob

Has to be superimposed on the white

So as to condemn its blackness

Perhaps the big brutes

Have to crash the small helpless

To indict their wicked clumsiness

Perhaps the brutal blow of the wicked

Has to land on the honest innocent

So as to judge the wicked as desperately evil

Perhaps the little ones have to lie desolate

Devastated by their guardians

To reiterate the depravity of man

For what is it?

If black stains black

And the big brutes bruise each other

What is it?

If the brutal blow of the wicked

Cuts off another off another wicked man half way through his evil

What is it?

There ought to be a contrast

That evil might me condemned as evil.

INSPIRE

INSPIRE

Is there a child near you who might do with a bit assistance from you?

Since it is so likely that children will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage, otherwise you are making their destiny not brighter, but darker. - C. S. Lewis

Seated outside in the green fields, a little boy slowly walks to where I am. He is a very familiar boy, and a very intelligent one. He is only four years old, and an ardent story teller at that tender age. He has been in the neighborhood for only a few months, and his mother occasionally leaves him behind as she goes out in search of their daily bread. He relates stories of the place they used to live in town and of the games they used to play and of the so many friends he had. He even tells of a story of a visit to a clinic where the ‘doctor’ called him a genius boy- that he probably was! He then looks up at me keenly and innocently asks, “Are you my father?”  Confused, I mumble unintelligibly and quickly change the topic. Probably I should have just said a firm and confident yes. He must be in his teens now, whatever he became, I missed out a great chance to be helpful to that young soul (and how I pray that along the way he did find a father figure!)

Several months later, there is so much energy in a children’s camp! With the so many activities lined up, the kids can’t wait to jump out of the class into their games kit and into the field. But there is this young girl, probably 8 years, who seems to have picked up something during the lesson that she needed to clarify. Walking up to me, she courteously indicates that she had a question. After getting the go ahead to ask the question, she says, “my father died last year in a road accident, he was drunk and that is why the accident happened. Do you think he went to heaven?” Now, if death is ‘painful’ for adults, it must be a horror for children, the so much unexplained commotion and the mere sight of adult agony must be destabilizing to a Childs world, and they probably have the least social support during such instances. I answered her with part question. After asking her whether she or God loved her father more, she answered with much conviction that God did. All I did was assure her that if God loved him more than she did, then he would not do to him anything she would not (a statement partly off the Book Forgotten Among the Lilies), he was in ‘gentler’ hands. The girl was satisfied with the answer (whose meaning might probably change with her understanding of love and of God). But think of the so many questions the little boys and girls have, and the sort of answers they get shape their understanding of the world and how they interpret things for the rest of their lives!

A few years later I was honored to head a team of children outreach in college. This included organizing Sunday school classes for the children of the campus employees and the neighborhood. This had grown into the neighboring communities and into the schools. The most interesting and most touching part was however to an approved school (sort of juvenile jail) about a kilometer away. It had dozens of boys whom parents (if they were there), and community had given up on. They had been found guilty of serious crimes with at least 3 there for killing. They were a most anti-social lot, reticent and bitter. Their days were filled with farm work, and other menial work (and a bit of craft training for a few teenagers). These kids were there to be reformed, and though I can attest to the fact that the school administration was doing the best within their means, it never came close to giving them a meaningful life.  Our idea of reformation as an outreach team was a quasi family set up. With a ‘father’ and a ‘mother’ (drawn from the student community) interacting with them at least once a week (on a Friday). It was amazing to interact with the kids and hear the stories of their little world. The circumstances of their crimes were sometimes unfortunate, like a game grudge taken too far leading to a barely 10 year old fatally hitting his friend with a stone (and am not downplaying the gravity of the crime or the pain of the victims family- just suggesting it is a situation a lot of us could have easily found ourselves in through just a bit of bad luck). More amazing however was how open and friendly they became as we continued to chat with them in the quasi family set up. The most beautiful part was when most of them agreed to go back to school and were absorbed in a local school so that when we went to see them, we were not just chatting but running through their school books and homework and talking about what they wanted to be when they were adults. It is my sincere prayer they went out to become as they desired

To be sure, our discussions with the boys did not involve anything so technical or difficult. It was mostly listening to them and once in a while telling them stories from our lives, from the bible and or other people’s lives as it deemed appropriate.  As adults, we know life is not always easy, our jobs sometimes suck, and separation, sickness and death, when they come, are very painful. We talk about these things, and our children hear. It is only fair that we also tell them stories of people who have overcome these things. People, who have enjoyed their jobs against all the odds, people who have beaten sickness to live productive lives. People who have resisted great evil for the betterment of the human race, if we don’t, we are making them grow up with a very dismal outlook.

PS: The mother elephant was tranquilized to treat the baby who had been caught by a snare on the trunk. They are both doing very well. These are conservation efforts supported by the Hotel Chain I work for.

Whispers from within

Whispers from within

When the mouth will not talk
And the ears will not hear
When the mind will not break the silence 
With those obtrusive thoughts
When all is still
No noise from without
No voice from within
You always invade my heart

Then I hear them
Those whispers from within
Not I, not I
For I am too tranquilized
Too pacified by your presence to talk
It is you
You whisper, and I listen
And I slowly melt into you

Oh, the experience
Oh, the thought of it
You in me, and I in you
Whisper again and again
And I will listen, again and again
I will slowly melt into you
Until I am no more
Then awake in your likeness
Whispers from within
Whisper, for I love to listen

... tell me about yourself..

... tell me about yourself..

 Just the other day I was asked by a new found friend to tell them about myself, and with the so much I am, the question triggered a whole new perspective…

One of the biggest blessings of my profession is the opportunity to interact with the prominent, and the successful. You are trained to converse and dine and dress and gesture like them so much so, you even forget yourself. You forget it is just an act you are putting on and imagine that this must be your lot; to eat lavishly and live large

And there you quickly see the biggest curse in my job! The yawning gulf between what I must pretend to be the whole day and what I must be reminded I am in the night when I retreat to my little shanty. It is like a little reminder of high school, you play and dine and joke with those you presume to be your peers until you have to pay for a trip, or enroll for extra classes, or go for sporting day, or a music festival, or more accurately when visiting day comes, then you see the social chasm that separate you.

‘We are all equal’ is a statement I have come to hold with suspicion (I have read and reread the American affirmation that all men are born equal, I have mused at it and wondered how further from the truth it could be). I have observed with curiosity the ease and automation with which some people seem to find happiness, friendship, health, achievement and attractiveness. And I have known how precariously I hang on the edge of exhaustion, moral bankruptcy, loneliness, and sadness, all in a quest for a living. I have compared and contrasted and concluded either we are not the same or we do not admit to each other the cost of our struggles.

This dual existence has a very strange effect on my life and relationships. I will identify with the people who are like me during the day and also those who are like me during the night. I will find a discord in personality in one and a discord in ambition in the other (the elegance and refinement as you can only get from affluence in the one and character and fortitude as you can only get from hardship in the other). And will wonder who it is I love more, or even more troubling, where it is I should belong.

Before it all sounds like thoughtless musings, a while ago, on an over lunch discussion, a colleague of mine noted hoteliers do not live more than three years after retirement, those who lose their jobs before then will literally have invested in nothing, even a few decent cloths. It was as though they lived in one world, and woke to discover they belonged to a totally different one. Their relationships are even more intriguing. Hoteliers seem to pick up second wives and concubines so quickly who befit their ‘illusionary stature’ (or may be more appropriately, the industry stature). The old social spots no longer measure up, and she must be elegant enough to accompany them in the new found life. The tag between the ‘day acting life’ and the ‘night real life’ will toss around the poor fellow until the day he wakes up in retirement with 3 families and no savings.

It is in that dilemma I stand, a young man, looking to grow, and succeed and fall in love and bring up a family, and leave a legacy. It was as though I am groping in the night tossed to and fro, trying to find where I belong, and who I should call my kind. In trying to tell who I am, I discovered I had no clue. It is like the possessed man assaulting himself by the tombs that Jesus asks ‘who are you’, and he answers ‘my name is legion, for we are many’. There is too many of me rioting in the streets of my heart. Oh that he may evict the ‘demons’ and let he that remains in me be the real me! And may be then, I can tell you who it is I am and which side it is I belong. I am sorry, I did not tell you who I am, precisely because I do not know yet. We have a lot in common, but I am not sure whether it is with the real me! And am reminded… life slips away just like hour glass sand…

In the Dream

In the dream

In the dream I dreamt, in the world I painted

You were the flower that brightened the landscape

The moon that banished the darkness of the night

In the waking world, where I work the dream in sweat and toil

Though unknown as yet, and still to be beheld

You are the love that inspires me, the smile that brightens my heart

But I know this world; it is full of twists and turns

I shall still bless the creator should it be he made you for another

For my world would be poorer had he not made you

Haunted

Haunted

Haunted
To walk down the bend
And imagine I saw you just beyond 
To turn in the cold
And imagine your hand reached for mine
To mumble in my sleep
An imagine you listened to my every word

To look your way
And imagine a million reasons it is possible
To look away
And see a million reasons it will never work
To toss and sway
And wonder why I can never settle for one or the other

To love and fear
And know one must subdue the other
To watch the clock tick
And know I can never push back time
To see you disappear beyond the bend
And know I may never see you again
Haunted

Heart in Motion

Heart in Motion

One heart beat after another
I know the rhythm
I know the rhyme
I look up, you look down
I stare, you close your eyes
I take a step, you take one back
I stop, you look up and stare
My heart is set in motion
Do I take the step, do I stay?

One heart beat after another
I know the feeling
I know the sound
In the stillness
In the distance
In the gaze
How long?
How far?
Do I take the step, do I stay

One heart beat after another
I know the urge
I know the fire
The rage within the stillness
My heart miles ahead of me
Shall we both stare?
Or shall we close our eyes
Then take a step to each other
And let what shall be, be?

I do not see you

I do not see you

Do I desire too much

Is there something remaining on earth to fill my barren heart?

Or at least a kindred soul that shares the feeling inside

I long, I yearn, I crave

In the setting sun, the glowing moon, distant rounded hills, in the solemn woods

I thought I saw you, ancient beauty that beckons my heart, but I was mistaken

I do not see you, eternal love

And when semblance of you in the distant stars startles my heart

Them with me see no clue of you, they don’t know you, have they ever desired you?

Show me you, infinite mercy

Or if the sight of you will be too much for my mortal eyes

Let me meet my own gaze in the eyes of another, let me know am not alone

From a Hotelier to His Valentine

From a Hotelier to His Valentine


I love you, that I do, and such a day as this reminds me the much I do. I would have loved to be next to you, to hold you, to gaze into your eyes, to walk you on the beach, to make you a meal, to get you wild with all manner of surprises- chocolate and flowers and shoes, and rings, necklaces and bracelets. But alas, you are so far away, and robbed all other means of expression, 26 letters is all I have to say how much I love you. I know, for such a beauty as you, astounding in all ways, a 26 letter alphabet can not begin to tell the surge of love you excite in my heart at the very thought of you!

When I wake up in the morning (5 am, I have to be awake before all my guests), I will think of you. When I go to bed (2am, I only go to bed after all my guests have retired), I will say a prayer for you, and ask God to bless and keep you. I will have a rough day (these so many couples saying how they want their valentine special, sundowners, bush dinners, wines and champagnes and cakes), but amidst all the hassle, I will have fond thoughts of you.

I can guess how hard it will be for you tonight, as you lie on your bed, awake and lonely and longing as I fumble into mine, tired and exhausted beyond consciousness. But am sure you will understand, it is not my nature, it is the nature of my Job.

And the little ones please give them a tight hug for me; tell them daddy loves them, and that he is working hard for them. Tell them to work hard, to be disciplined and to put in their best at school (oh, memory fails me, did junior go to class three or four this year?)

I will be taking a few days off next week. I know the kids will be in school and you will most likely be tight at work. But am sure we can squeeze in a late valentine dinner one of the evenings. We have not had a meal together for a couple of months now.

I have a weekend complimentary in Malindi this Easter. I really want you and the kids to have a wonderful holiday. I am sure it will be far better than your time out last Christmas. The beach is always more exciting for young ones. It is such a shame I will not be able to join you this time too. You surely understand these are our busy times. But savor every bit of it love, you and the kids, I will always do my best to give you the best the world has to offer.

I hope this letter gets to you before valentine is over and the little token of my love for you attached, they say presents endears the absents. Be sure, across the ridges and beyond the hills, my love for you is unwearied. My desire for you is unquenched and I hope (really hope), you still feel the same. Last time you said you feel alienated, and wondered how long it will remain this way. But you see love; you would have nothing but contempt for me if I stayed at your side and can not provide for the family. It is for you and the kids I do this. See as I said, it is not my nature; it is the nature of my work.

My love, I must leave it at that, but not before repeating, I love you though I be away from you; as my tutor once told me, like scissors, we separate to operate.

Love, Blessings and Happiness
Your Valentine

Life lessons from the Hotel Industry (… experience, the most brutal of teachers, but you learn, my God, do you learn!)

Life lessons from the Hotel Industry (… experience, the most brutal of teachers, but you learn, my God, do you learn!) 


1) Not every one who puts you in crap is an enemy; equally, not every one who pulls you out of crap is a friend!

A story is told of (or at least as told by one of my directors) a bull (a buffalo bull!) and a bird that were very close friends. As the bull grazed, it would pick ticks along the way which would bite on its skin and cause untold irritation. The little bird would then perch on the bull and pick on the ticks (if you grew up in the village as I did and had lice plucked off your hair, you will know the almost pleasurable last itch as it leaves for good- gross, I know). When the ticks were no more, the bird would then follow closely behind the bull to prey on the insects which would be disturbed out off the grass by the bull’s movement. As it happens when you scratch my back then I scratch yours, the bull and the bird remained very great friends.

One chilly evening, the bird was following closely behind the bull, picking on the insects as usual. The bird was tired after a long days walk and the cold was not helping. The bull had had a good day’s graze and had come from having just enough amount of water. As we all know about bulls when they are well fed and watered, they crap as they walk (several years ago this was vulgarity that would never came off my mouth). And yes, you guessed right, the crap landed right on top of the bird, and the second bit too, and the third. The poor thing was all covered up in that stuff. Tired and cold, it struggled to get out but only managed to uncover its head, then quickly discovered the stuff was warm and it wouldn’t harm to stay there a little longer; the head was out you know.

The bird soon dozed off and the bull slowly grazed away. Then there was this hunter who was walking home dejected after a barren expedition in the wild. He saw this head protruding from crap and stopped to check. He discovered it was a bird and happily pulled it off the crap, cleaned it and cut off its head. It was going to make some nice soup for the hungry little ones.

As you knew from the beginning, the moral of the story is: not every one who puts you in crap is an enemy, he might just be a well fed friend in a jolly mood, not every one who pulls you out of crap is a friend, he might be a very efficient stalker after your very life, and of course, when you get in crap, don’t get too comfy!

And yes, in my industry (and many others I know, as well as life in general), you don’t just get told such stories; you get to experience them too. Kind are the wounds of a friend, even if he hurts you, but when an adversary winks at you, be wary! Without putting too much detail, I have learnt friends will hurt you, and several times for that matter, but you must not wallow in the hurt, you must quickly get out of it or some one who is just out to take advantage of the situation will pull you out, and do you far greater harm. I have also learnt it is far safer to work with tough unrelenting bosses, they mean good, even if they piss you off! (My language again!) Nice bosses who give you a soft landing every time are most likely trying to protect themselves (how gently they clean the crap off you before they chop off your head!), they are making much of you so that you can make much of them and in the process create more pitfalls for you than you will ever know! Crap happens (I have forgotten the French word they use instead of crap), and from the best of our friends and role models (and how random and cruel it looks as they walk unfeelingly off), but it is planned by those who desire no good for us (and how kind and merciful it looks at first) but don’t be deceived, not every one who puts you in crap is an enemy; equally, not every one who pulls you out of crap is a friend!

2) You get crap because you take crap

Again, from one of my high superiors, this apparently did not need too much metaphor! Straight talk it was, you get what you deserve! I have known guests who will ask all manner of contradictions! Six inter-connecting rooms on the ground floor next to the main pool with a good view of the ocean and of course away from the noisy tourists (did i also mention close to the restaurant?). They will make such demands at check in, and refuse to move away from the reception (and throw all the names of who they know and how quickly you will get fired if they complained). When you point out their contradiction, they will quickly point out that the guest is always right, and be careful now. You are quickly sliding into a situation where you will give compensation for delaying them for three hours after a twelve hour flight and God help you if they don’t end up getting food poisoning from food taken by hundreds of other guests without any problem. The end result; full refund with future complimentary rooms to give them an opportunity to prove ‘our’ impeccable service! I know it sounds superfluous but it happens, and not as one off as you might think.

But the best learning point was this one who found a “bed bug” in the room, then was moved to a room which had a “leaking” air conditioner, then delayed for two hours while being transferred to the right room and of course he was hypertensive, and his blood sugar had gone up, and he had taken dose for three days as a result of the trauma, and in one day he had experienced enough trouble to warrant a full stay (4days) complimentary.

He had caused such a stir until he was politely advised, and from the highest quarters, ‘sir, am sorry you are not giving us a fair chance to host you, please check out and get a hotel that will meet your expectations, and am not ready to spend the investors money entertaining you for free’ Trust me, that was enough to bring down the sugar and the blood pressure. The bed bug turned into a fly and the fellow quietly enjoyed his holiday and checked out calmly.

Things get out of hand because we are not firm enough. The crap keeps coming your way only because you keep taking it. ‘I will not take crap’ can be a good New Year resolution. Being a straight talker can resolve a lot of issues! With friends and foes alike! Like wise, learn to keep people who can be forth right with you, they do you more good than the biggest sycophant.



3) What is not checked is not done!

“This is either sabotage, or sheer incompetence!” You can imagine what kind of frustration would elicit such words! The instructions were all very clear, the urgency was adequately communicated, all the right tools were given and the task was not done!

From an (or shall I say the?) MD checking into a room without bed sheets, to a high level government official checking in to find the suite he had booked a month earlier is out of order and no body looks perturbed. Honeymooners checking in to a plain room, it all begs the question, how many MDs do we have? And how many honey moons doe one enjoy in a lifetime?

When I was training I was told, and now I know it to be true! What ever is not checked is not done. Trust every one, but verify everything. Hold every one accountable.

And may be this not just at work but in our friendships and our loves and families as well! You don’t agree on a budget, on a plan or tasks then nothing happens! The money was diverted into a drink or into an unnecessary tenth pair of shoes or the time was spent lazing in front of a TV. Agree on stuff and check to ensure it is done. Hold each other accountable. Trust each other with responsibilities but also check and verify. That is how strong institutions and families and friendships are made by people who have taken each other seriously!




4) If it is too bitter, the after taste might be very pleasurable

This happens to have come from way up there again. It was training on beverages, alcoholic beverages, and to be specific, whiskeys. We were taken through the intricacies of distilling a whiskey and how to taste it and how to drink it. This guy was very passionate about this drink, his drink as he would say. With such as steady voice and a glow on his face he told us his experience drinking whiskey. ‘It is bitter, you know, but it is the after taste that is worth all the trouble.’

With my strong imagination, I would already picture this group of men struggling to gulp down a bitter liquid, and then an hour later, they are all relishing the drink they took a whole sixty minutes ago. “That was lovely, I can hear them say to each, nodding and gazing ahead, mmh, lovely, very lovely, very very lovely! That is sixty minutes after the drink!

And it so happens the bitterest experiences with guest tends to produce happy loyal customers. You quarrel argue and work your head off to turn things around. More often than not, it works. When the guest is leaving, you shake hands, and smile at each other, and you take his next booking, and you know you have a customer for life.

And if you have had a very good friend, you know there is never a deep disappointment where there is no deep love. Each resolved bitterness tends to build up more trust and confidence and at the end of life, through the arguments and struggles and quarrels, you can stare at each other and say, mmh, that was lovely, very lovely, very very lovely! People will wonder what is so lovely, but you will smile and know-it is the after taste!




5) Fail fast! (as the techies would say) - Three options, three attempts

I also learnt that those people who learnt quickly enough what they did not like and what they could not do and quickly went on to what they can do well fair much better than the rest of us. Others indeed discovered what they did very well, and the environment that suffocated their talent and went on to seek the environment that fostered their love.

And this is the greatest lesson of all, learn to fail fast, don’t spend five years doing something you don’t like and will ultimately fail. Figure out what you don’t like in one year and spend the other four years recovering and trying out some thing new.

This I was also taught; try three options, and quickly narrow down to one. The more similar the options are, the harder it is to decide on one, and the more time it takes, and the less difference it makes what ever choice you eventually make (if the options are very different, a lot is at stake in the one than the other, and the decision is easy). If you realize it is getting hard to decide between two options, that’s an indication the options are pretty close and what ever you choose, the difference will not be much. Learn to make a quick decision in such instances, and recoup the disadvantage you may have picked in a quicker implementation, and the more time you get to refine.

If something does not work in three attempts, it may never work. When going down the wrong path, progress can only mean turning back until the point you lost your track. And every step you take backwards, the closer you get to your goal, each step you take forward, the further you get from your goal. Learn to let go and start all over again!

6) Not so honorable! - Be content

Lastly, don’t crave for the positions and the money you see with the big shots. A lot of them are desperate and lonely beyond imagination. I have known some who can’t take the drink they are served, they have to swap with that of an aide! They are crowded every where with body guards and aides and can’t dine in the open and can’t swim in the pool or the ocean. They are hopelessly restricted, suffocated from every side.

And who can fathom the bottomless loneliness that causes our most honorable leaders in the public and private sector to pick call girls and seek all sorts of deplorable pleasures (and risk so much, and pay equally much). What about the unspeakable betrayal to their dutiful wives and how I pray they never discover (or should they?). I think, indeed, godliness with contentment is great gain! That I may learn to seek it!

Relationship Advice (Lessons from the Hotel Industry)

Relationship Advice (Lessons from the Hotel Industry)

1) Your partner will often embarrass and disappoint you. S/he would probably not be able to do it if s/he didn’t love you deeply. Sometimes those embarrassing moments come about because s/he stretched a little too far to express his/ her love for you. On the flip side is a deep act of love and Sacrifice

Imagine it is Valentine day. Imagine your partner takes you out for a surprise dinner, and then you find yourself on an exclusive love nest nestled right on the beach in one of the most expensive beach resorts in your country. See the moon perched half way in the sky, the tide is low, and waves are rolling gently reflecting the flames of a bonfire lit just for the two of you. You have a dedicated waiter and a customized menu with photos of the two of you. The food is sumptuous, the drinks are amazing. You get the most wonderful moment of your life.

Imagine after such a wonderful night, you accidentally discover a few days later that your partner actually used all the money s/he had that month leaving his account empty to make that dinner possible. Imagine how it would move you to imagine such a sacrifice. 

To be sure, that happened in one of the Resorts I worked for, only the dinner had an ugly ending. The resort offers one of the most exclusive and romantic valentine dinners. A young man pre paid for this dinner on the beach with girl friend, only that he forgot the drinks were not inclusive. After having a great evening together, the man was presented with a bill for their drinks (and they had not over indulged, just a bottle of wine between the two). He absolutely had no money to pay the bill. It was such a terrible situation to handle as the duty manager. The girl cried, and I could see the contempt in her eyes for this guy. Several hours later, and very late in the night, almost 3am, after determining the couple had no means of paying the bill, the couple were allowed to leave. They left quietly together, and I still wonder if they ever talked to each other again.

I thought this young man very naïve then. I look at it slightly differently now. Without discounting the need for prudence and good sense, I applaud his courage and sacrifice. To love is to be vulnerable; there are so many things that could go wrong. It is easier and safer to live in a self-protective cocoon of lovelessness. It takes courage and sacrifice to reach out to another heart, and it does not always turn out perfectly. 
When we are loved, it is easy to overlook these sacrifices and courage when the attempts of our lovers fall short of their intentions. We barely see the intentions, the courage, or the sacrifice, we only see the embarrassment, and the slight and all we carry in our hearts is contempt and resentment.

From the dad who can’t be home for his wife and kids because he is trying to earn their upkeep, to the house wife so bogged down taking care of the kids she can’t keep herself sweet and sparkling. Lets learn to see and appreciate the sacrifice, may be then we can learn how to help them be what we would love to see them be.

2) The easiest way to be faithful to your partner is not ‘stronger self control’ or ‘will’ but establishing strong strata of social support and accountability around yourself.

Couples cheat on each other. They do it more than I have ever wanted to admit to myself to be true. I know it because I see them ‘co-habit’ with workmates when they come for conferences and business functions. I know it because I have seen them bring in twilight girls more often than you would think acceptable. I know they hate to do it because I see how disillusioned they look the following morning. Unless they are coming from a terribly dysfunctional relationship, I can almost think they swear they would never do it again, but still do it the next time they visit!

When I was young and seriously studying the bible, I came across a doctrine called “the depravity of man”. The doctrine suggests that man is morally inept. His heart is perpetually inclined towards evil. Given the opportunity, and an assurance of cover up, man will chose to act selfishly if it will be gratifying. The opposing view was that man is morally capable. He will always choose the right thing when it is within his means.
If you believed in the first doctrine, your attempt at godliness consists of putting checks and balances in your environment to ensure that if you entered a compromising situation, you will have already have made it impossible for yourself to indulge.
If you believed in the second, you relied on your good will and your inner strength. If you fail, the best remedy was to explain it away or justify the action as having been inevitable because of your genetic predisposition and so on.

I know some care for their partner way more than they care for God, or rather his existence. However, if you are really committed to your partner, I would suggest you take the first approach, it is safer. Assume if you were in a compromising situation you will likely cheat. Then take steps to make it impossible for you to cheat in such a situation. Ask your partner to call you at the time you know the party will be ending. Ask your most trusted co-worker to ensure you don’t act silly after a few drinks. Only travel with the credit card your partner has access to to make it harder for you to pay for some of those services like ‘extra guest in your room’. Look at all those situations with your partner in mind and think beforehand how to mitigate them. And most important, surround yourself with people you are accountable to!

3) Borrow some of the civility you exhibit in the hotel to take back home with you

Except for very few people, lots of the couples who come to hotels behave very honorably. They will be in time for the three meals, they will not belch carelessly. They will be very well groomed even when in casual wear. They will be clean and not expose smelly feet and sweaty armpits for everyone to sniff at.

If you really love your partner, they should surely experience you at your best everyday! Why leave it only to your workmates to see you when you are best dressed and best groomed and in your best manners. Invest in proper evening cloths and throw away those torn T shirts. That is how the movie stars look so sexy even when in the kitchen in the movies we all love to watch. Be clean and tidy- make yourself kissable and huggable at any moment. 

4) Share with your partner your fantasies- it is possible s/he too is paying for them somewhere. You could share the experience, or have it free at home

The leisure industry has come up with all sorts of luxuries you can indulge in. Depending on your social background, these may be less than acceptable to participate in. But let’s be real, we all have an urge to participate in novel things that will give us a higher high. I know it because I know the much hotels are collecting from Spas and Casinos and all manner of other services. 

Instead of secretly indulging in these, why not let your partner in. You might be surprised s/he appreciates the same things. 

This may relate to point two above as well. It is unfortunate but we have a massive sex industry out there. Massive lots of people pay for… well; I am not sure what they pay for. May be these are fantasies that can be helped at home if well communicated…

5) For the singles, there are very many great, focused single men and women out there. Just pursue your dream, stay focused, travel. You will find yourself meeting very interesting, focused people. I see them every day!

Life Lessons from the Hotel industry- Managing Obscurity

Life Lessons from the Hotel industry- Managing Obscurity

In a hotel of four stars and above, you will normally deal with people who have already made it in life. Not just any one is willing to spend $250 in just one night. These are people who have succeeded in business, public service or the corporate world. They are people with a Name and a Reputation wherever they come from. They have their degree of fame. They are “someone”. 

Every once in a while, we will get one of these “somebodies” who feel they should be exempt from a certain procedure because of who they are. They feel they should not be made to identify themselves by giving their ID, or they should not be made to pay for a certain service. Their argument will always have the line “Don’t you know who I am?” You will normally want to answer, “I have no clue who you are, so who are you?” Of course that would hurt their ego and the melee that would follow would only put your job in jeopardy. You have to pretend that now you recognize them and you are embarrassed not to have noticed them sooner. 

But let’s face it, except for very few people in this world, we all live very obscure lives. We are all very little known and we do largely insignificant jobs if we look at the big picture; we will never be put on the big stage to save the world! Even if you are the Kenyan President, and we assume all the 40 million Kenyans know you, you are still obscure in a world of 7 billion people. Less than 0.6% of the people in the world know you (It is like being known by only 6 students in a school of 1000 students). “Know you” is actually an overstatement, for most would probably know very little about you, and even if they knew much, what would it count for?

Yet the longing to be known, and to be popular, and to do something significant that will change the world is inherent in each of us. When we are consigned to obscurity, and a lot of time we are, our hearts ache. We long to move from the twilight to the limelight. We long to be important and significant. I think J.S. Porter captures that tension very accurately in his poem “the dream of fewness”

There’s too much of everything 
books, stars, flowers. 
How can one flower be precious 
in a bed of thousands?
How can one book count 
in a library of millions?
The universe is a junkyard 
burnt out meteors, busted up stars 
planetary cast-offs, throwaway galaxies 
born and buried in an instant 
repeating, repeating

We are buried in the infinitude of people and things. We bruise ourselves as we struggle to push our heads out, trampling on who ever we may to get our way up. We hope to stand out; that each soul may marvel at the very knowledge of who we are. 

But maybe we are not that much, may be even after we get all the fame we can get, we are still empty inside. May be we can be happy even in our hidden lives if we determine to. Here are the two little lessons I have learnt that have helped me manage my little hidden life

1) Learn who it is you must impress. It is a beautiful and liberating thing when you discover the people you must impress. When you discover who really matters, everyone else need not recognize you, everyone else need not cheer you. You can brush aside all those ‘dumb people’ who don’t seem to know who you are with a whisper to yourself “well, you are not the one I must impress”. Only very few people really matter as far as our happiness and well being is concerned. We should discover them, and must not waste our energies trying to pull around ourselves people whose goodwill will count for nothing in the critical moments of our lives. We must also not make a very common mistake; confusing the importance of the little circle of people who make our lives, and the larger circle through whom we make a living. We must not disparage the relationships that really count trying to sustain those that we can always dispense with. This is not to give us license to be arrogant and aloof when dealing with people we do not know. This is to liberate us from the vanity of needing recognition and prepare us for my next point.

2) Make your random encounters with people meaningful and pleasurable: You will probably never be on a stage with the whole world as your audience. You are however able to meet several people, one by one in the course of your day. These can be some of your most fulfilling moments of your life. Taking my point above into consideration, these are encounters that need not be faced with expectations or obligations. The outcome is inconsequential if it be negative. It could brighten your day and a stranger’s if it be positive. We have a proverb in the vernacular that says “do good and go your way”. Consider also this quote by C S Lewis

"When you and I met, the meeting was over very shortly, it was nothing. Now it is growing something as we remember it. But still we know very little about it. What it will be when I remember it as I lie down to die, what it makes in me all my days till then–that is the real meeting. The other is only the beginning of it."

The good we do to people and the reciprocal good we receive is enhanced by the thoughts we put to it and how it interacts with our experiences. At the end of our lives, what may have been very simple and short encounters may actually end up being the encounters that changed the courses of our lives. Consider also this other quote (especially if you believe in life after death)

'It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct our dealings with each other... there are no ordinary people'

In our daily interactions, we are either helping or hindering each other in our quest for a decent and comfortable life. What about being that person who helps, and thus is forever remembered fondly by a soul he might never meet again? And if there is a “hereafter”, what about getting to the afterworld and meeting up all these guys who are so indebted to your enormous contribution to their now “glorious persons” through small acts of kindness that you cannot even remember.

When I think about this, I realize, even in my hidden life, I have a tremendous contribution to make. In my obscurity, and I need not get out of it, I could also make a contribution of eternal consequence… and I will not wait or seek the big stage to get to do it.